1    Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

2    Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

3    Any thing.

4    Do not desire to see this letter.

5    This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my
6    dog again.

7    Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

8    Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

9    I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

10   Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
11   for my friends.

12   Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

13   No, sir, the worse.

14   How can that be?

15   Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
16   now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
17   my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
18   and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
19   conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
20   make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
21   my friends and the better for my foes.

22   Why, this is excellent.

23   By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
24   one of my friends.

25   Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

26   But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
27   you could make it another.

28   O, you give me ill counsel.

29   Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
30   and let your flesh and blood obey it.

31   Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
32   double-dealer: there's another.

33   Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
34   saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
35   sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
36   Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

37   You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
38   if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
39   with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
40   my bounty further.

41   Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
42   again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
43   that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
44   but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
45   will awake it anon.

46   Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

47   That face of his I do remember well;
48   Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
49   As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
50   A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
51   For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
52   With which such scathful grapple did he make
53   With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
54   That very envy and the tongue of loss
55   Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?

56   Orsino, this is that Antonio
57   That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;
58   And this is he that did the Tiger board,
59   When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
60   Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
61   In private brabble did we apprehend him.

62   He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
63   But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
64   I know not what 'twas but distraction.

65   Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
66   What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,
67   Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
68   Hast made thine enemies?

69   Orsino, noble sir,
70   Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
71   Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
72   Though I confess, on base and ground enough,
73   Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
74   That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
75   From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
76   Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
77   His life I gave him and did thereto add
78   My love, without retention or restraint,
79   All his in dedication; for his sake
80   Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
81   Into the danger of this adverse town;
82   Drew to defend him when he was beset:
83   Where being apprehended, his false cunning,
84   Not meaning to partake with me in danger,
85   Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
86   And grew a twenty years removed thing
87   While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
88   Which I had recommended to his use
89   Not half an hour before.

90   How can this be?

91   When came he to this town?

92   To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
93   No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
94   Both day and night did we keep company.

95   Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
96   But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
97   Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
98   But more of that anon. Take him aside.

99   What would my lord, but that he may not have,
100  Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
101  Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

102  Madam!

103  Gracious Olivia,--

104  What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

105  My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

106  If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
107  It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
108  As howling after music.

109  Still so cruel?

110  Still so constant, lord.

111  What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
112  To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
113  My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
114  That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

115  Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

116  Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
117  Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
118  Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy
119  That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this:
120  Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
121  And that I partly know the instrument
122  That screws me from my true place in your favour,
123  Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
124  But this your minion, whom I know you love,
125  And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
126  Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
127  Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
128  Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
129  I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
130  To spite a raven's heart within a dove.

131  And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
132  To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.

133  Where goes Cesario?

134  After him I love
135  More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
136  More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
137  If I do feign, you witnesses above
138  Punish my life for tainting of my love!

139  Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

140  Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

141  Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
142  Call forth the holy father.

143  Come, away!

144  Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

145  Husband!

146  Ay, husband: can he that deny?

147  Her husband, sirrah!

148  No, my lord, not I.

149  Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
150  That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
151  Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
152  Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
153  As great as that thou fear'st.
Enter Priest
154  O, welcome, father!
155  Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
156  Here to unfold, though lately we intended
157  To keep in darkness what occasion now
158  Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
159  Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

160  A contract of eternal bond of love,
161  Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
162  Attested by the holy close of lips,
163  Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
164  And all the ceremony of this compact
165  Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
166  Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
167  I have travell'd but two hours.

168  O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
169  When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
170  Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
171  That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
172  Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
173  Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

174  My lord, I do protest--

175  O, do not swear!
176  Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

177  For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
178  to Sir Toby.

179  What's the matter?

180  He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
181  a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
182  help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

183  Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

184  The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
185  a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

186  My gentleman, Cesario?

187  'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
188  nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
189  by Sir Toby.

190  Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
191  You drew your sword upon me without cause;
192  But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

193  If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
194  think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown
195  Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:
196  but if he had not been in drink, he would have
197  tickled you othergates than he did.

198  How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

199  That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
200  on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

201  O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
202  were set at eight i' the morning.

203  Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I
204  hate a drunken rogue.

205  Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

206  I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.

207  Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a
208  knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

209  Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

210  I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
211  But, had it been the brother of my blood,
212  I must have done no less with wit and safety.
213  You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
214  I do perceive it hath offended you:
215  Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
216  We made each other but so late ago.

217  One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
218  A natural perspective, that is and is not!

219  Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
220  How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
221  Since I have lost thee!

222  Sebastian are you?

223  Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

224  How have you made division of yourself?
225  An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
226  Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

227  Most wonderful!

228  Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
229  Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
230  Of here and every where. I had a sister,
231  Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
232  Of charity, what kin are you to me?
233  What countryman? what name? what parentage?

234  Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
235  Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
236  So went he suited to his watery tomb:
237  If spirits can assume both form and suit
238  You come to fright us.

239  A spirit I am indeed;
240  But am in that dimension grossly clad
241  Which from the womb I did participate.
242  Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
243  I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
244  And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

245  My father had a mole upon his brow.

246  And so had mine.

247  And died that day when Viola from her birth
248  Had number'd thirteen years.

249  O, that record is lively in my soul!
250  He finished indeed his mortal act
251  That day that made my sister thirteen years.

252  If nothing lets to make us happy both
253  But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
254  Do not embrace me till each circumstance
255  Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
256  That I am Viola: which to confirm,
257  I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
258  Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
259  I was preserved to serve this noble count.
260  All the occurrence of my fortune since
261  Hath been between this lady and this lord.

To OLIVIA
262   So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
263  But nature to her bias drew in that.
264  You would have been contracted to a maid;
265  Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
266  You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.

267  Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
268  If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
269  I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
To VIOLA
270  Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
271  Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

272  And all those sayings will I overswear;
273  And those swearings keep as true in soul
274  As doth that orbed continent the fire
275  That severs day from night.

276  Give me thy hand;
277  And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

278  The captain that did bring me first on shore
279  Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
280  Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
281  A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.

282  He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
283  And yet, alas, now I remember me,
284  They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN
285  A most extracting frenzy of mine own
286  From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
287  How does he, sirrah?

288  Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
289  well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
290  letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
291  morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
292  so it skills not much when they are delivered.

293  Open't, and read it.

294  Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
295  the madman.
Reads
296  'By the Lord, madam,'--

297  How now! art thou mad?

298  No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
299  will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

300  Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

301  So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
302  read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

303  Read it you, sirrah.

Reads
304   'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the
305  world shall know it: though you have put me into
306  darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
307  me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as
308  your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
309  me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt
310  not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
311  Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little
312  unthought of and speak out of my injury.
313  THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

314  Did he write this?

315  Ay, madam.

316  This savours not much of distraction.

317  See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.
Exit FABIAN
318  My lord so please you, these things further
319  thought on,
320  To think me as well a sister as a wife,
321  One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
322  Here at my house and at my proper cost.

323  Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
To VIOLA
324  Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
325  So much against the mettle of your sex,
326  So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
327  And since you call'd me master for so long,
328  Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
329  Your master's mistress.

330  A sister! you are she.

331  Is this the madman?

332  Ay, my lord, this same.
333  How now, Malvolio!

334  Madam, you have done me wrong,
335  Notorious wrong.

336  Have I, Malvolio? no.

337  Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
338  You must not now deny it is your hand:
339  Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
340  Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
341  You can say none of this: well, grant it then
342  And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
343  Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
344  Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,
345  To put on yellow stockings and to frown
346  Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
347  And, acting this in an obedient hope,
348  Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
349  Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
350  And made the most notorious geck and gull
351  That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.

352  Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
353  Though, I confess, much like the character
354  But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
355  And now I do bethink me, it was she
356  First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
357  And in such forms which here were presupposed
358  Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
359  This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
360  But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
361  Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
362  Of thine own cause.

363  Good madam, hear me speak,
364  And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
365  Taint the condition of this present hour,
366  Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,
367  Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
368  Set this device against Malvolio here,
369  Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
370  We had conceived against him: Maria writ
371  The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
372  In recompense whereof he hath married her.
373  How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,
374  May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
375  If that the injuries be justly weigh'd
376  That have on both sides pass'd.

377  Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

378  Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
379  and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
380  one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
381  that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
382  But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
383  a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
384  and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

385  I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

386  He hath been most notoriously abused.

387  Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
388  He hath not told us of the captain yet:
389  When that is known and golden time convents,
390  A solemn combination shall be made
391  Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
392  We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
393  For so you shall be, while you are a man;
394  But when in other habits you are seen,
395  Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

Sings
396  When that I was and a little tiny boy,
397  With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
398  A foolish thing was but a toy,
399  For the rain it raineth every day.
400  But when I came to man's estate,
401  With hey, ho, &c.
402  'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
403  For the rain, &c.
404  But when I came, alas! to wive,
405  With hey, ho, &c.
406  By swaggering could I never thrive,
407  For the rain, &c.
408  But when I came unto my beds,
409  With hey, ho, &c.
410  With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
411  For the rain, &c.
412  A great while ago the world begun,
413  With hey, ho, &c.
414  But that's all one, our play is done,
415  And we'll strive to please you every day.