1    I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
2    How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
3    For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
4    I speak too loud.
5    Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
6    And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
7    Where is Malvolio?

8    He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
9    is, sure, possessed, madam.

10   Why, what's the matter? does he rave?

11   No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
12   ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
13   he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.

14   Go call him hither.
Exit MARIA
15   I am as mad as he,
16   If sad and merry madness equal be.
Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
17   How now, Malvolio!

18   Sweet lady, ho, ho.

19   Smilest thou?
20   I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

21   Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
22   obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
23   what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
24   with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
25   please all.'

26   Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?

27   Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
28   did come to his hands, and commands shall be
29   executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.

30   Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

31   To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.

32   God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
33   thy hand so oft?

34   How do you, Malvolio?

35   At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.

36   Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

37   'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.

38   What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

39   'Some are born great,'--

40   Ha!

41   'Some achieve greatness,'--

42   What sayest thou?

43   'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'

44   Heaven restore thee!

45   'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--

46   Thy yellow stockings!

47   'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'

48   Cross-gartered!

49   'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--

50   Am I made?

51   'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'

52   Why, this is very midsummer madness.

53   Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
54   returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he
55   attends your ladyship's pleasure.

56   I'll come to him.
Exit Servant
57   Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
58   my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
59   care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the
60   half of my dowry.

61   O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
62   Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
63   the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
64   appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
65   in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
66   'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
67   let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put
68   thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
69   consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad
70   face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
71   habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
72   limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
73   thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
74   fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
75   after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
76   adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no
77   scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
78   or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing
79   that can be can come between me and the full
80   prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
81   doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

82   Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
83   the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
84   himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

85   Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
86   how is't with you, man?

87   Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
88   off.

89   Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not
90   I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
91   care of him.

92   Ah, ha! does she so?

93   Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
94   with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how
95   is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
96   consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

97   Do you know what you say?

98   La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
99   it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

100  Carry his water to the wise woman.

101  Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I
102  live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.

103  How now, mistress!

104  O Lord!

105  Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
106  you not see you move him? let me alone with him.

107  No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
108  rough, and will not be roughly used.

109  Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?

110  Sir!

111  Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for
112  gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
113  him, foul collier!

114  Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

115  My prayers, minx!

116  No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

117  Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
118  things: I am not of your element: you shall know
119  more hereafter.

120  Is't possible?

121  If this were played upon a stage now, I could
122  condemn it as an improbable fiction.

123  His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

124  Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

125  Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

126  The house will be the quieter.

127  Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
128  niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
129  may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
130  till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
131  us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
132  bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
133  finder of madmen. But see, but see.

134  More matter for a May morning.

135  Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
136  vinegar and pepper in't.

137  Is't so saucy?

138  Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.

139  Give me.
Reads
140  'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

141  Good, and valiant.

Reads
142   'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
143  why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

144  A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

Reads
145   'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
146  sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
147  throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

148  Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.

Reads
149   'I will waylay thee going home; where if it
150  be thy chance to kill me,'--

151  Good.

Reads
152   'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'

153  Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.

Reads
154   'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
155  one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
156  my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
157  friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
158  ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
159  If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
160  I'll give't him.

161  You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
162  some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

163  Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
164  orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
165  him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
166  it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
167  swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
168  more approbation than ever proof itself would have
169  earned him. Away!

170  Nay, let me alone for swearing.

171  Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
172  of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
173  capacity and breeding; his employment between his
174  lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
175  letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
176  terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
177  clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
178  word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
179  of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
180  youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
181  opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
182  This will so fright them both that they will kill
183  one another by the look, like cockatrices.

184  Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
185  he take leave, and presently after him.

186  I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
187  for a challenge.

188  I have said too much unto a heart of stone
189  And laid mine honour too unchary out:
190  There's something in me that reproves my fault;
191  But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
192  That it but mocks reproof.

193  With the same 'havior that your passion bears
194  Goes on my master's grief.

195  Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
196  Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
197  And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
198  What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
199  That honour saved may upon asking give?

200  Nothing but this; your true love for my master.

201  How with mine honour may I give him that
202  Which I have given to you?

203  I will acquit you.

204  Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
205  A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

206  Gentleman, God save thee.

207  And you, sir.

208  That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
209  nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
210  not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
211  the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
212  dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
213  thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

214  You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
215  to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
216  any image of offence done to any man.

217  You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
218  if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
219  your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
220  youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.

221  I pray you, sir, what is he?

222  He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
223  carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
224  brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
225  his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
226  that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
227  and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.

228  I will return again into the house and desire some
229  conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
230  of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
231  others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
232  of that quirk.

233  Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
234  very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
235  give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
236  house, unless you undertake that with me which with
237  as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
238  or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
239  must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

240  This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
241  this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
242  my offence to him is: it is something of my
243  negligence, nothing of my purpose.

244  I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
245  gentleman till my return.

246  Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

247  I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
248  mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.

249  I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

250  Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
251  his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
252  of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
253  bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
254  have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
255  towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
256  can.

257  I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
258  had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
259  care not who knows so much of my mettle.

260  Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
261  firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
262  all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
263  motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
264  pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
265  step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

266  Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.

267  Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
268  scarce hold him yonder.

269  Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
270  cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
271  have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
272  and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

273  I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
274  on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
Aside
275  Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
To FABIAN
276  I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
277  I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.

278  He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
279  looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

To VIOLA
280   There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
281  with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
282  bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
283  scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
284  the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

Aside
285   Pray God defend me! A little thing would
286  make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

287  Give ground, if you see him furious.

288  Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
289  will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
290  he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
291  promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
292  will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

293  Pray God, he keep his oath!

294  I do assure you, 'tis against my will.

295  Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
296  Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
297  If you offend him, I for him defy you.

298  You, sir! why, what are you?

299  One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
300  Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

301  Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

302  O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.

303  I'll be with you anon.

304  Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

305  Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
306  I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
307  and reins well.

308  This is the man; do thy office.

309  Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

310  You do mistake me, sir.

311  No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
312  Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
313  Take him away: he knows I know him well.

314  I must obey.
To VIOLA
315  This comes with seeking you:
316  But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
317  What will you do, now my necessity
318  Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
319  Much more for what I cannot do for you
320  Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
321  But be of comfort.

322  Come, sir, away.

323  I must entreat of you some of that money.

324  What money, sir?
325  For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
326  And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
327  Out of my lean and low ability
328  I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
329  I'll make division of my present with you:
330  Hold, there's half my coffer.

331  Will you deny me now?
332  Is't possible that my deserts to you
333  Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
334  Lest that it make me so unsound a man
335  As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
336  That I have done for you.

337  I know of none;
338  Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
339  I hate ingratitude more in a man
340  Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
341  Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
342  Inhabits our frail blood.

343  O heavens themselves!

344  Come, sir, I pray you, go.

345  Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
346  I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
347  Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
348  And to his image, which methought did promise
349  Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

350  What's that to us? The time goes by: away!

351  But O how vile an idol proves this god
352  Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
353  In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
354  None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
355  Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
356  Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.

357  The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

358  Lead me on.

359  Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
360  That he believes himself: so do not I.
361  Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
362  That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

363  Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
364  whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

365  He named Sebastian: I my brother know
366  Yet living in my glass; even such and so
367  In favour was my brother, and he went
368  Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
369  For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
370  Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

371  A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
372  a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
373  friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
374  his cowardship, ask Fabian.

375  A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

376  'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

377  Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

378  An I do not,--

379  Come, let's see the event.

380  I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.