1 If you go on thus, you will kill yourself: 2 And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief 3 Against yourself.
LEONATO
4 I pray thee, cease thy counsel, 5 Which falls into mine ears as profitless 6 As water in a sieve: give not me counsel; 7 Nor let no comforter delight mine ear 8 But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. 9 Bring me a father that so loved his child, 10 Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine, 11 And bid him speak of patience; 12 Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine 13 And let it answer every strain for strain, 14 As thus for thus and such a grief for such, 15 In every lineament, branch, shape, and form: 16 If such a one will smile and stroke his beard, 17 Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan, 18 Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk 19 With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me, 20 And I of him will gather patience. 21 But there is no such man: for, brother, men 22 Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief 23 Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it, 24 Their counsel turns to passion, which before 25 Would give preceptial medicine to rage, 26 Fetter strong madness in a silken thread, 27 Charm ache with air and agony with words: 28 No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience 29 To those that wring under the load of sorrow, 30 But no man's virtue nor sufficiency 31 To be so moral when he shall endure 32 The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel: 33 My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
ANTONIO
34 Therein do men from children nothing differ.
LEONATO
35 I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood; 36 For there was never yet philosopher 37 That could endure the toothache patiently, 38 However they have writ the style of gods 39 And made a push at chance and sufferance.
ANTONIO
40 Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; 41 Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO
42 There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so. 43 My soul doth tell me Hero is belied; 44 And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince 45 And all of them that thus dishonour her.
ANTONIO
46 Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO
DON PEDRO
47 Good den, good den.
CLAUDIO
48 Good day to both of you.
LEONATO
49 Hear you. my lords,--
DON PEDRO
50 We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO
51 Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord: 52 Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.
DON PEDRO
53 Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
ANTONIO
54 If he could right himself with quarreling, 55 Some of us would lie low.
CLAUDIO
56 Who wrongs him?
LEONATO
57 Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:-- 58 Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword; 59 I fear thee not.
CLAUDIO
60 Marry, beshrew my hand, 61 If it should give your age such cause of fear: 62 In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO
63 Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me: 64 I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, 65 As under privilege of age to brag 66 What I have done being young, or what would do 67 Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head, 68 Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me 69 That I am forced to lay my reverence by 70 And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days, 71 Do challenge thee to trial of a man. 72 I say thou hast belied mine innocent child; 73 Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, 74 And she lies buried with her ancestors; 75 O, in a tomb where never scandal slept, 76 Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!
CLAUDIO
77 My villany?
LEONATO
78 Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO
79 You say not right, old man.
LEONATO
80 My lord, my lord, 81 I'll prove it on his body, if he dare, 82 Despite his nice fence and his active practise, 83 His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
CLAUDIO
84 Away! I will not have to do with you.
LEONATO
85 Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child: 86 If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
ANTONIO
87 He shall kill two of us, and men indeed: 88 But that's no matter; let him kill one first; 89 Win me and wear me; let him answer me. 90 Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me: 91 Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence; 92 Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
LEONATO
93 Brother,--
ANTONIO
94 Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece; 95 And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains, 96 That dare as well answer a man indeed 97 As I dare take a serpent by the tongue: 98 Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!
LEONATO
99 Brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
100 Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea, 101 And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,-- 102 Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys, 103 That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander, 104 Go anticly, show outward hideousness, 105 And speak off half a dozen dangerous words, 106 How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst; 107 And this is all.
LEONATO
108 But, brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
109 Come, 'tis no matter: 110 Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.
DON PEDRO
111 Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience. 112 My heart is sorry for your daughter's death: 113 But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing 114 But what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO
115 My lord, my lord,--
DON PEDRO
116 I will not hear you.
LEONATO
117 No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.
ANTONIO
118 And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO
DON PEDRO
119 See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
Enter BENEDICK
CLAUDIO
120 Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
121 Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO
122 Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part 123 almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
124 We had like to have had our two noses snapped off 125 with two old men without teeth.
DON PEDRO
126 Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had 127 we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.
BENEDICK
128 In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came 129 to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
130 We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are 131 high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten 132 away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK
133 It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO
134 Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO
135 Never any did so, though very many have been beside 136 their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the 137 minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO
138 As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou 139 sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
140 What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, 141 thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK
142 Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you 143 charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
CLAUDIO
144 Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was 145 broke cross.
DON PEDRO
146 By this light, he changes more and more: I think 147 he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
148 If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK
149 Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO
150 God bless me from a challenge!
BENEDICK
Aside to CLAUDIO 151 You are a villain; I jest not: 152 I will make it good how you dare, with what you 153 dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will 154 protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet 155 lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me 156 hear from you.
CLAUDIO
157 Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
DON PEDRO
158 What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
159 I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's 160 head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most 161 curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find 162 a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
163 Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO
164 I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the 165 other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,' 166 said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a 167 great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.' 168 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it 169 hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman 170 is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.' 171 'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I 172 believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on 173 Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning; 174 there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus 175 did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular 176 virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou 177 wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO
178 For the which she wept heartily and said she cared 179 not.
DON PEDRO
180 Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she 181 did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly: 182 the old man's daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO
183 All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was 184 hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
185 But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on 186 the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
187 Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the 188 married man'?
BENEDICK
189 Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave 190 you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests 191 as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked, 192 hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank 193 you: I must discontinue your company: your brother 194 the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among 195 you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord 196 Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till 197 then, peace be with him.
Exit
DON PEDRO
198 He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
199 In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for 200 the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
201 And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
202 Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO
203 What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his 204 doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO
205 He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a 206 doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO
207 But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and 208 be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?
DOGBERRY
209 Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she 210 shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay, 211 an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO
212 How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio 213 one!
CLAUDIO
214 Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO
215 Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY
216 Marry, sir, they have committed false report; 217 moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, 218 they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have 219 belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust 220 things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO
221 First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I 222 ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why 223 they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay 224 to their charge.
CLAUDIO
225 Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by 226 my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO
227 Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus 228 bound to your answer? this learned constable is 229 too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?
BORACHIO
230 Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: 231 do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have 232 deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms 233 could not discover, these shallow fools have brought 234 to light: who in the night overheard me confessing 235 to this man how Don John your brother incensed me 236 to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into 237 the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's 238 garments, how you disgraced her, when you should 239 marry her: my villany they have upon record; which 240 I had rather seal with my death than repeat over 241 to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my 242 master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire 243 nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO
244 Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO
245 I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.
DON PEDRO
246 But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO
247 Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.
DON PEDRO
248 He is composed and framed of treachery: 249 And fled he is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
250 Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear 251 In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY
252 Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our 253 sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: 254 and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time 255 and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES
256 Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the 257 Sexton too.
Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton
LEONATO
258 Which is the villain? let me see his eyes, 259 That, when I note another man like him, 260 I may avoid him: which of these is he?
BORACHIO
261 If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
262 Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd 263 Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO
264 Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO
265 No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself: 266 Here stand a pair of honourable men; 267 A third is fled, that had a hand in it. 268 I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death: 269 Record it with your high and worthy deeds: 270 'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
271 I know not how to pray your patience; 272 Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself; 273 Impose me to what penance your invention 274 Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not 275 But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO
276 By my soul, nor I: 277 And yet, to satisfy this good old man, 278 I would bend under any heavy weight 279 That he'll enjoin me to.
LEONATO
280 I cannot bid you bid my daughter live; 281 That were impossible: but, I pray you both, 282 Possess the people in Messina here 283 How innocent she died; and if your love 284 Can labour ought in sad invention, 285 Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb 286 And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night: 287 To-morrow morning come you to my house, 288 And since you could not be my son-in-law, 289 Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter, 290 Almost the copy of my child that's dead, 291 And she alone is heir to both of us: 292 Give her the right you should have given her cousin, 293 And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
294 O noble sir, 295 Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me! 296 I do embrace your offer; and dispose 297 For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO
298 To-morrow then I will expect your coming; 299 To-night I take my leave. This naughty man 300 Shall face to face be brought to Margaret, 301 Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong, 302 Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO
303 No, by my soul, she was not, 304 Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me, 305 But always hath been just and virtuous 306 In any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY
307 Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and 308 black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call 309 me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his 310 punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of 311 one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and 312 a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's 313 name, the which he hath used so long and never paid 314 that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing 315 for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.
LEONATO
316 I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
DOGBERRY
317 Your worship speaks like a most thankful and 318 reverend youth; and I praise God for you.
LEONATO
319 There's for thy pains.
DOGBERRY
320 God save the foundation!
LEONATO
321 Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY
322 I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I 323 beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the 324 example of others. God keep your worship! I wish 325 your worship well; God restore you to health! I 326 humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry 327 meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
LEONATO
328 Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
329 Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.
DON PEDRO
330 We will not fail.
CLAUDIO
331 To-night I'll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO
To the Watch 332 Bring you these fellows on. We'll 333 talk with Margaret, 334 How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.