1    Are you good men and true?

2    Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
3    salvation, body and soul.

4    Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
5    they should have any allegiance in them, being
6    chosen for the prince's watch.

7    Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

8    First, who think you the most desertless man to be
9    constable?

10   Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
11   write and read.

12   Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
13   you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
14   the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

15   Both which, master constable,--

16   You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
17   for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
18   no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
19   let that appear when there is no need of such
20   vanity. You are thought here to be the most
21   senseless and fit man for the constable of the
22   watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
23   charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
24   to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

25   How if a' will not stand?

26   Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
27   presently call the rest of the watch together and
28   thank God you are rid of a knave.

29   If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
30   of the prince's subjects.

31   True, and they are to meddle with none but the
32   prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
33   the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
34   talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

35   We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
36   belongs to a watch.

37   Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
38   watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
39   offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
40   stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
41   ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

42   How if they will not?

43   Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
44   they make you not then the better answer, you may
45   say they are not the men you took them for.

46   Well, sir.

47   If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
48   of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
49   kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
50   why the more is for your honesty.

51   If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
52   hands on him?

53   Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
54   that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
55   way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
56   show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

57   You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

58   Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
59   a man who hath any honesty in him.

60   If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call
61   to the nurse and bid her still it.

62   How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

63   Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
64   her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
65   lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.

66   'Tis very true.

67   This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are
68   to present the prince's own person: if you meet the
69   prince in the night, you may stay him.

70   Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot.

71   Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows
72   the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
73   the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought
74   to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
75   man against his will.

76   By'r lady, I think it be so.

77   Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be
78   any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your
79   fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.
80   Come, neighbour.

81   Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here
82   upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

83   One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch
84   about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being
85   there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.
86   Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

87   What Conrade!

Aside
88    Peace! stir not.

89   Conrade, I say!

90   Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

91   Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a
92   scab follow.

93   I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward
94   with thy tale.

95   Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for
96   it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
97   utter all to thee.

Aside
98    Some treason, masters: yet stand close.

99   Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

100  Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

101  Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any
102  villany should be so rich; for when rich villains
103  have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
104  price they will.

105  I wonder at it.

106  That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that
107  the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is
108  nothing to a man.

109  Yes, it is apparel.

110  I mean, the fashion.

111  Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

112  Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But
113  seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion
114  is?

Aside
115   I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile
116  thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a
117  gentleman: I remember his name.

118  Didst thou not hear somebody?

119  No; 'twas the vane on the house.

120  Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this
121  fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot
122  bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty?
123  sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers
124  in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's
125  priests in the old church-window, sometime like the
126  shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,
127  where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

128  All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears
129  out more apparel than the man. But art not thou
130  thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast
131  shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

132  Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night
133  wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
134  name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress'
135  chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good
136  night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first
137  tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,
138  planted and placed and possessed by my master Don
139  John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.

140  And thought they Margaret was Hero?

141  Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the
142  devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly
143  by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by
144  the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly
145  by my villany, which did confirm any slander that
146  Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore
147  he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning
148  at the temple, and there, before the whole
149  congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night
150  and send her home again without a husband.

151  We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!

152  Call up the right master constable. We have here
153  recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that
154  ever was known in the commonwealth.

155  And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'
156  wears a lock.

157  Masters, masters,--

158  You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

159  Masters,--

160  Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

161  We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken
162  up of these men's bills.

163  A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.