1    What, John! What, Robert!

2    Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--

3    I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

4    Come, come, come.

5    Here, set it down.

6    Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

7    Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be
8    ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I
9    suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause
10   or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
11   that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry
12   it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there
13   empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

14   You will do it?

15   I ha' told them over and over; they lack no
16   direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

17   Here comes little Robin.

18   How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

19   My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,
20   Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

21   You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

22   Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your
23   being here and hath threatened to put me into
24   everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he
25   swears he'll turn me away.

26   Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be
27   a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet
28   and hose. I'll go hide me.

29   Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.
Exit ROBIN
30   Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

31   I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.

32   Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,
33   this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know
34   turtles from jays.

35   Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let
36   me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
37   period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

38   O sweet Sir John!

39   Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,
40   Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
41   thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the
42   best lord; I would make thee my lady.

43   I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!

44   Let the court of France show me such another. I see
45   how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
46   the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
47   ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of
48   Venetian admittance.

49   A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing
50   else; nor that well neither.

51   By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou
52   wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm
53   fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion
54   to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see
55   what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature
56   thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

57   Believe me, there is no such thing in me.

58   What made me love thee? let that persuade thee
59   there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I
60   cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a
61   many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like
62   women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury
63   in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none
64   but thee; and thou deservest it.

65   Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.

66   Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
67   Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek
68   of a lime-kiln.

69   Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one
70   day find it.

71   Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.

72   Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not
73   be in that mind.

Within
74    Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's
75   Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and
76   looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

77   She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

78   Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.
FALSTAFF hides himself
Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN
79   What's the matter? how now!

80   O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,
81   you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!

82   What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

83   O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man
84   to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

85   What cause of suspicion?

86   What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I
87   mistook in you!

88   Why, alas, what's the matter?

89   Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the
90   officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that
91   he says is here now in the house by your consent, to
92   take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.

93   'Tis not so, I hope.

94   Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man
95   here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
96   with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a
97   one. I come before to tell you. If you know
98   yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you
99   have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not
100  amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your
101  reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

102  What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear
103  friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his
104  peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
105  out of the house.

106  For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you
107  had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink
108  you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
109  hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here
110  is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he
111  may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as
112  if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time
113  --send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.

114  He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?

Coming forward
115   Let me see't, let me see't, O, let
116  me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's
117  counsel. I'll in.

118  What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

119  I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.
120  I'll never--

121  Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,
122  Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!

123  What, John! Robert! John!
Exit ROBIN
Re-enter Servants
124  Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the
125  cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to
126  the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.

127  Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,
128  why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
129  I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?

130  To the laundress, forsooth.

131  Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You
132  were best meddle with buck-washing.

133  Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!
134  Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;
135  and of the season too, it shall appear.
Exeunt Servants with the basket
136  Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my
137  dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
138  chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant
139  we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.
Locking the door
140  So, now uncape.

141  Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

142  True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see
143  sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.

144  This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

145  By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not
146  jealous in France.

147  Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.

148  Is there not a double excellency in this?

149  I know not which pleases me better, that my husband
150  is deceived, or Sir John.

151  What a taking was he in when your husband asked who
152  was in the basket!

153  I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so
154  throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

155  Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same
156  strain were in the same distress.

157  I think my husband hath some special suspicion of
158  Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross
159  in his jealousy till now.

160  I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have
161  more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will
162  scarce obey this medicine.

163  Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress
164  Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the
165  water; and give him another hope, to betray him to
166  another punishment?

167  We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,
168  eight o'clock, to have amends.

169  I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that
170  he could not compass.

Aside to MISTRESS FORD
171   Heard you that?

172  You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

173  Ay, I do so.

174  Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

175  Amen!

176  You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

177  Ay, ay; I must bear it.

178  If there be any pody in the house, and in the
179  chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
180  heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!

181  By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

182  Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What
183  spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
184  would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the
185  wealth of Windsor Castle.

186  'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

187  You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as
188  honest a 'omans as I will desires among five
189  thousand, and five hundred too.

190  By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.

191  Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in
192  the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
193  make known to you why I have done this. Come,
194  wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
195  pray heartily, pardon me.

196  Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock
197  him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
198  to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I
199  have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

200  Any thing.

201  If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

202  If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

203  Pray you, go, Master Page.

204  I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy
205  knave, mine host.

206  Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!

207  A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!