1    Now, say, Chatillon, what would France with us?

2    Thus, after greeting, speaks the King of France
3    In my behavior to the majesty,
4    The borrow'd majesty, of England here.

5    A strange beginning: 'borrow'd majesty!'

6    Silence, good mother; hear the embassy.

7    Philip of France, in right and true behalf
8    Of thy deceased brother Geffrey's son,
9    Arthur Plantagenet, lays most lawful claim
10   To this fair island and the territories,
11   To Ireland, Poictiers, Anjou, Touraine, Maine,
12   Desiring thee to lay aside the sword
13   Which sways usurpingly these several titles,
14   And put these same into young Arthur's hand,
15   Thy nephew and right royal sovereign.

16   What follows if we disallow of this?

17   The proud control of fierce and bloody war,
18   To enforce these rights so forcibly withheld.

19   Here have we war for war and blood for blood,
20   Controlment for controlment: so answer France.

21   Then take my king's defiance from my mouth,
22   The farthest limit of my embassy.

23   Bear mine to him, and so depart in peace:
24   Be thou as lightning in the eyes of France;
25   For ere thou canst report I will be there,
26   The thunder of my cannon shall be heard:
27   So hence! Be thou the trumpet of our wrath
28   And sullen presage of your own decay.
29   An honourable conduct let him have:
30   Pembroke, look to 't. Farewell, Chatillon.

31   What now, my son! have I not ever said
32   How that ambitious Constance would not cease
33   Till she had kindled France and all the world,
34   Upon the right and party of her son?
35   This might have been prevented and made whole
36   With very easy arguments of love,
37   Which now the manage of two kingdoms must
38   With fearful bloody issue arbitrate.

39   Our strong possession and our right for us.

40   Your strong possession much more than your right,
41   Or else it must go wrong with you and me:
42   So much my conscience whispers in your ear,
43   Which none but heaven and you and I shall hear.

44   My liege, here is the strangest controversy
45   Come from country to be judged by you,
46   That e'er I heard: shall I produce the men?

47   Let them approach.
48   Our abbeys and our priories shall pay
49   This expedition's charge.
Enter ROBERT and the BASTARD
50   What men are you?

51   Your faithful subject I, a gentleman
52   Born in Northamptonshire and eldest son,
53   As I suppose, to Robert Faulconbridge,
54   A soldier, by the honour-giving hand
55   Of Coeur-de-lion knighted in the field.

56   What art thou?

57   The son and heir to that same Faulconbridge.

58   Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
59   You came not of one mother then, it seems.

60   Most certain of one mother, mighty king;
61   That is well known; and, as I think, one father:
62   But for the certain knowledge of that truth
63   I put you o'er to heaven and to my mother:
64   Of that I doubt, as all men's children may.

65   Out on thee, rude man! thou dost shame thy mother
66   And wound her honour with this diffidence.

67   I, madam? no, I have no reason for it;
68   That is my brother's plea and none of mine;
69   The which if he can prove, a' pops me out
70   At least from fair five hundred pound a year:
71   Heaven guard my mother's honour and my land!

72   A good blunt fellow. Why, being younger born,
73   Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?

74   I know not why, except to get the land.
75   But once he slander'd me with bastardy:
76   But whether I be as true begot or no,
77   That still I lay upon my mother's head,
78   But that I am as well begot, my liege,--
79   Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!--
80   Compare our faces and be judge yourself.
81   If old sir Robert did beget us both
82   And were our father and this son like him,
83   O old sir Robert, father, on my knee
84   I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee!

85   Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here!

86   He hath a trick of Coeur-de-lion's face;
87   The accent of his tongue affecteth him.
88   Do you not read some tokens of my son
89   In the large composition of this man?

90   Mine eye hath well examined his parts
91   And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak,
92   What doth move you to claim your brother's land?

93   Because he hath a half-face, like my father.
94   With half that face would he have all my land:
95   A half-faced groat five hundred pound a year!

96   My gracious liege, when that my father lived,
97   Your brother did employ my father much,--

98   Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land:
99   Your tale must be how he employ'd my mother.

100  And once dispatch'd him in an embassy
101  To Germany, there with the emperor
102  To treat of high affairs touching that time.
103  The advantage of his absence took the king
104  And in the mean time sojourn'd at my father's;
105  Where how he did prevail I shame to speak,
106  But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
107  Between my father and my mother lay,
108  As I have heard my father speak himself,
109  When this same lusty gentleman was got.
110  Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath'd
111  His lands to me, and took it on his death
112  That this my mother's son was none of his;
113  And if he were, he came into the world
114  Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.
115  Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
116  My father's land, as was my father's will.

117  Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
118  Your father's wife did after wedlock bear him,
119  And if she did play false, the fault was hers;
120  Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands
121  That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
122  Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
123  Had of your father claim'd this son for his?
124  In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
125  This calf bred from his cow from all the world;
126  In sooth he might; then, if he were my brother's,
127  My brother might not claim him; nor your father,
128  Being none of his, refuse him: this concludes;
129  My mother's son did get your father's heir;
130  Your father's heir must have your father's land.

131  Shall then my father's will be of no force
132  To dispossess that child which is not his?

133  Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,
134  Than was his will to get me, as I think.

135  Whether hadst thou rather be a Faulconbridge
136  And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,
137  Or the reputed son of Coeur-de-lion,
138  Lord of thy presence and no land beside?

139  Madam, an if my brother had my shape,
140  And I had his, sir Robert's his, like him;
141  And if my legs were two such riding-rods,
142  My arms such eel-skins stuff'd, my face so thin
143  That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose
144  Lest men should say 'Look, where three-farthings goes!'
145  And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,
146  Would I might never stir from off this place,
147  I would give it every foot to have this face;
148  I would not be sir Nob in any case.

149  I like thee well: wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
150  Bequeath thy land to him and follow me?
151  I am a soldier and now bound to France.

152  Brother, take you my land, I'll take my chance.
153  Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
154  Yet sell your face for five pence and 'tis dear.
155  Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.

156  Nay, I would have you go before me thither.

157  Our country manners give our betters way.

158  What is thy name?

159  Philip, my liege, so is my name begun,
160  Philip, good old sir Robert's wife's eldest son.

161  From henceforth bear his name whose form thou bear'st:
162  Kneel thou down Philip, but rise more great,
163  Arise sir Richard and Plantagenet.

164  Brother by the mother's side, give me your hand:
165  My father gave me honour, yours gave land.
166  Now blessed by the hour, by night or day,
167  When I was got, sir Robert was away!

168  The very spirit of Plantagenet!
169  I am thy grandam, Richard; call me so.

170  Madam, by chance but not by truth; what though?
171  Something about, a little from the right,
172  In at the window, or else o'er the hatch:
173  Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,
174  And have is have, however men do catch:
175  Near or far off, well won is still well shot,
176  And I am I, howe'er I was begot.

177  Go, Faulconbridge: now hast thou thy desire;
178  A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.
179  Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must speed
180  For France, for France, for it is more than need.

181  Brother, adieu: good fortune come to thee!
182  For thou wast got i' the way of honesty.
Exeunt all but BASTARD
183  A foot of honour better than I was;
184  But many a many foot of land the worse.
185  Well, now can I make any Joan a lady.
186  'Good den, sir Richard!'--'God-a-mercy, fellow!'--
187  And if his name be George, I'll call him Peter;
188  For new-made honour doth forget men's names;
189  'Tis too respective and too sociable
190  For your conversion. Now your traveller,
191  He and his toothpick at my worship's mess,
192  And when my knightly stomach is sufficed,
193  Why then I suck my teeth and catechise
194  My picked man of countries: 'My dear sir,'
195  Thus, leaning on mine elbow, I begin,
196  'I shall beseech you'--that is question now;
197  And then comes answer like an Absey book:
198  'O sir,' says answer, 'at your best command;
199  At your employment; at your service, sir;'
200  'No, sir,' says question, 'I, sweet sir, at yours:'
201  And so, ere answer knows what question would,
202  Saving in dialogue of compliment,
203  And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
204  The Pyrenean and the river Po,
205  It draws toward supper in conclusion so.
206  But this is worshipful society
207  And fits the mounting spirit like myself,
208  For he is but a bastard to the time
209  That doth not smack of observation;
210  And so am I, whether I smack or no;
211  And not alone in habit and device,
212  Exterior form, outward accoutrement,
213  But from the inward motion to deliver
214  Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age's tooth:
215  Which, though I will not practise to deceive,
216  Yet, to avoid deceit, I mean to learn;
217  For it shall strew the footsteps of my rising.
218  But who comes in such haste in riding-robes?
219  What woman-post is this? hath she no husband
220  That will take pains to blow a horn before her?
Enter LADY FAULCONBRIDGE and GURNEY
221  O me! it is my mother. How now, good lady!
222  What brings you here to court so hastily?

223  Where is that slave, thy brother? where is he,
224  That holds in chase mine honour up and down?

225  My brother Robert? old sir Robert's son?
226  Colbrand the giant, that same mighty man?
227  Is it sir Robert's son that you seek so?

228  Sir Robert's son! Ay, thou unreverend boy,
229  Sir Robert's son: why scorn'st thou at sir Robert?
230  He is sir Robert's son, and so art thou.

231  James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?

232  Good leave, good Philip.

233  Philip! sparrow: James,
234  There's toys abroad: anon I'll tell thee more.
Exit GURNEY
235  Madam, I was not old sir Robert's son:
236  Sir Robert might have eat his part in me
237  Upon Good-Friday and ne'er broke his fast:
238  Sir Robert could do well: marry, to confess,
239  Could he get me? Sir Robert could not do it:
240  We know his handiwork: therefore, good mother,
241  To whom am I beholding for these limbs?
242  Sir Robert never holp to make this leg.

243  Hast thou conspired with thy brother too,
244  That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine honour?
245  What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave?

246  Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.
247  What! I am dubb'd! I have it on my shoulder.
248  But, mother, I am not sir Robert's son;
249  I have disclaim'd sir Robert and my land;
250  Legitimation, name and all is gone:
251  Then, good my mother, let me know my father;
252  Some proper man, I hope: who was it, mother?

253  Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge?

254  As faithfully as I deny the devil.

255  King Richard Coeur-de-lion was thy father:
256  By long and vehement suit I was seduced
257  To make room for him in my husband's bed:
258  Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!
259  Thou art the issue of my dear offence,
260  Which was so strongly urged past my defence.

261  Now, by this light, were I to get again,
262  Madam, I would not wish a better father.
263  Some sins do bear their privilege on earth,
264  And so doth yours; your fault was not your folly:
265  Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,
266  Subjected tribute to commanding love,
267  Against whose fury and unmatched force
268  The aweless lion could not wage the fight,
269  Nor keep his princely heart from Richard's hand.
270  He that perforce robs lions of their hearts
271  May easily win a woman's. Ay, my mother,
272  With all my heart I thank thee for my father!
273  Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well
274  When I was got, I'll send his soul to hell.
275  Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin;
276  And they shall say, when Richard me begot,
277  If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin:
278  Who says it was, he lies; I say 'twas not.